Today we should look forward

A year ago today my father passed away.

I miss him now as much as I did the day after. Tonight my wife asked me how I was feeling and if I wanted to talk about it. It took me an hour to put anything into words. I thought about what it was like on this night last year. I thought about the time I was able to spend with Dad in the days and weeks before. All of those are precious memories I don't want to forget, but none of them are comforting. None of them make it easier to face the next day.

I wondered how Dad would want me to spend this day, this night. I think he would want us to spend it looking forward.

It would not have mattered if my dad had lived another week, month, or year, because it would not have been enough time. Nor could there be any other ending that I could look back upon and feel satisfied. There could never be any finite amount of time when I would think, "okay, it won't make me sad to be without him now." There could never be a more complete set of memories that would have me feel like I have all I need. So I don't think this day should be spent digging into the emotions that tore through us last year. We don't have to do that to honor my dad and we don't have to do that to keep him in our minds and hearts.

We either believe in heaven or we don't. We either believe, as Christians, that when we leave this place we are with Christ, or we don't believe. If we act like the memories of my dad are all there is to his existence and all we have left, then we act like we don't believe.

I don't remember Dad ever dwelling on bad things in the past, wishing it would change. No matter the situation, what I remember is my dad thinking about what we could do now and what we could do in the future. I think Dad would want us to spend this day, especially, looking forward.

I think we should spend this day looking forward to seeing Dad again. I look forward to seeing Dad again because I love him. I look forward to seeing Dad again because he loves me. I look forward to seeing Dad again because I will hear him speak to me again. I look forward to seeing Dad again because I will be able to talk with him and hug him and smile with him. Smile because when we meet again it will not be for any finite amount of time. Nothing will have been lost but the pain and dirt of this life he has already left behind. We will be together in heaven and on a new earth and in whatever else eternity holds. That is the promise that our God has given, and even when all else shakes God's promises hold.

That doesn't mean that there are no tears to be shed. I miss him today as much as I did the day after he left us. I love him now as much as I did the last time I saw him.

It does mean that there is a great reason to look forward to tomorrow. It does mean that there is comfort to be had in thinking about the time I had with my father. During that time, he gave me reason to look forward to seeing him again.